Living Life Danger-Free



“My cigarette packet kindly informs me it will kill me if I consume its contents. My nightdress tells me what will happen to my skin (my largest organ) if I combust in it. Peanuts may asphyxiate me, eggs will clog up my passages, steak will make me moo, sugar will rot my teeth, fluoride will prevent them from rotting but slowly poison the rest of me.

If I ride a bicycle without a mask, I’ll be polluted, if I swim in the sea, I’ll be covered in effluence, if I sunbathe, I’ll look healthy but actually will be suffering from melanoma and prematurely aged skin. If I exercise I will live for a long time but arthritic joints will render me immobile. If I cook in aluminium pans, I will lose my marbles, if acid rain hits my tongue, it may burn through it.

Margarine contains sump oil, butter will sit on my heart. I must eat Fibre in order to excrete but not cereal because it may have been genetically interfered with. Carrots will make my hair see in the dark, spinach will enable me to tear up telephone books. I should drink my own urine and juice my own pomegranites and organic food is worth the extra and tomatoes and chocolate are acidic and kippers come back at you and wheat blows you up and as for milk – here’s what the label said on a piece of Tesco’s Brie de Meaux: ‘Made using unpasteurised milk which will contain naturally occurring bacteria. These maybe harmful to the health of pregnant women, children, the elderly and anyone with a low resistance to infection. People in these groups should not eat this product.’ This was a warning on a piece of cheese! And I bought it!

What can I do that is danger free?” (Lipman, Maureen. (2000). Starter. In M. Lipman, Lip Reading (p. 1). London: Robson Books).


After reading this, I’ve thought and thought, what can I do that is danger free? I've realised there’s absolutely nothing, everyday and everything is a risk. I’m constantly watching what I eat, what I do, where I go. Enough is enough! Life comes with its own risks (everyday) and there’s absolutely no warning on the packet. If anyone else came to this world with a warning well I didn’t. And I’m not about to place myself under house arrest because I'm afraid of what is out there, or not eat or not lift anything (e.g my mobile phone) cause it might drop on my foot (or give me cancer if I place it on the wrong ear).

I just recently discovered you can’t hide from life, eventually you have got to live it, make the best of it and enjoy!

Off to watch telly (without my glasses), eat a bowl of butter popcorn with chocolate and honey syrup poured over it and drink water directly from the bottle (too lazy to get a glass).

Will be blogging again soon. x